This has been a tough month. Two difficult things happened. One you already know, and thats the ultimate end to the Australian saga of my life. The second, is that I had to put the ring I got her, which cost a small fortune btw, up on eBay. The jewelers I ordered from can't take it back because its been over 30 days, and they suggested I take this step. I guess the whole symbology of it all is the thing that gets me down the most.

There is a small consolation, however. It is my hopes that whoever ends up with my ring will be buying with the same intentions that I had, which was to start a life with a beautiful girl and wanting to make a future together. I'm told that things happen for a reason. Its hard to see it all through the veil of depression, but I can see some of the silver lining on the edge of the clouds.

One, is that Bek was honest with her feelings, and that she left me because that was the thing that would make her happy. I care much for her, and seeing her happy, with or without me, is something I would want. The second is that maybe now I will have much more time to work on the things that I need to develop.

Primarily being my weight. I've taken steps to change that. Heard of NutriSystem? Well that's what I am doing, and i'd recomend it to anyone who needs the help. Another plus is that I have so much tome to devote to school. I'll admit I poured alot of time into staying in touch with Bek, which may have contributed to my downfall, but I suppose thats all in the past now. After the breakup, I found that I had such a void in my life, and I had to find things to fill said void.

I found some things. I ran out and grabbed up the lastest video games that I had neglected to play all these months. Games like Twilight Princess and FFXII were my main cusions, but I needed to fill more time. I started devoting more and more time to school, and it was one of those "two birds" things. I knocked out homework and studying, plus I was filling the void.

Lately, I've been playing games like World of Warcraft and Civilization 4, as well as my schoolwork, so i'm trying my best to stay busy and have my head filled with things other than heartbreak. I've started to climb out of my shell again, slow as it may be. For the first couple of weeks I didn't talk to anyone, and whenever someone wanted to talk to me I found myself being very short with them, and not acting like myself.

But I guess what I am getting at is that I think i'm starting to accept the obvious, and with each day it's getting easier and easier. I need to just do what everyone has been trying to tell me for so long, and that is to worry about myself. I need that degree and I need to be physically fit, and I still need to do a bit of growing up.