I've been seeing a therapist back home in Vero Beach because I've been dealing with alot of "loss issues" and I think its all finally caught up with me and manifest itself into my new problem: death.

I know everyone fears death because it is the greatest unknown ever, but most people shrug and say, "death doesn't matter to me because i follow this god and he says if i'm good i get to hang out with him for all eternity."

About a month and a half ago, my brain put my Christianity to the test to battle all out against science and logic. I'm sorry to say but science beat religion in my head. This caused me to realize that there is no God and there is no afterlife and when you die, you die. That's it. Sorry Charlie, no light at the end of the tunnel. Since existing is pretty much everything I know, the very idea of NOT existing frightened me so much that I was spurred into inaction as life seemed pointless.

I went to see a recommended therapist after my parents suggested I do, and so far I've had two sessions with him, with somewhat positive results. I'm also on some medication, which include Paxil, and they help as well, but i'm not too fond of the weight gain side effect.

I set a big goal for myself and came up with the idea of this big ass diorama. Check it out, if you haven't already. It'll take me a long time to finish but it will be worth it, as it is a symbol of an accomplishment.

School is doing well so far, but i've been slacking this quarter. I chalk it up to my mindset and will get things back together when I sort out my problems.

questions/comments always welcome